By Robert J. Ottaviani

Just Me

I awoke this particular morning like I had several other mornings, to the sound of complete silence. I have learned to really appreciate this segment of time when I am afforded total solitude. I am alone with my thoughts just watching the rays of the sun pouring through my windowpane. There is a certain power in serenity that is both comforting and empowering. I take as much time as I need to center myself because I know in time the phone will start ringing, the texts will start showing up on the cell and soon I will have to interact with the populace. My time will shortly no longer just be my time. It’s not a question of being anti social because I’m not but I do realize that those moments are a precious commodity these days given the world we live in. Satisfied I had started my day of my own choice I headed for the kitchen to make a pot of java and then out to fetch the morning paper from the mailbox.

Playing The Game

At first blush when I read the article my first reaction was to snicker at the foolishness of the situation. The story detailed how alumni football players from the two neighboring local schools were practicing to play a game against one another. I thought to myself that this was a typical case of grown men wanting to be boys again. Then I read the quotes from a handful players participating in the game and repeatedly the theme that surfaced was one of passion and love for a game they played as young men. They admitted to their advanced age (ranging from 26-55) and how they would move at a slower pace but never losing their zest for a game they loved. For one Saturday afternoon they would reconvene on a playing field to live out a special time in their lives years ago, which apparently had never completely left their memories and still burned brightly in their hearts. My feelings changed as I read from skepticism … to daydreaming of the possibilities and playing a game of what if.

A Gift Worth Giving

What if we were given an opportunity to travel back in time and play whatever game or activity we loved as a young person, a one-time shot per say for a full 24 hour period. Not only that but also our mind would be young and unencumbered by goals, deadlines and stress related commitments and worries. We would also be afforded young, strong bodies without the many years of wear and tear and the brash attitude a teenager could only exude. We would awake that morning with only one thing to consider …what would I like to do all day? Would you go swimming at the creek on a hot summer’s day and then flip some baseball cards or maybe a game of baseball and then playing “release” where you just ran all day never getting winded or tired. Some might want to go sled riding, the snow and wind pelting your face while you laughed with glee the whole way down the hill and then trek back up again for another downhill run. Others may want to reconnect with a loved one or mend a friendship that had never got resolved. It could be as simple as waking up to cartoons all morning to spending the entire day with someone you lost without getting to know them like you wanted to. Maybe your day would be just spending time in that special place you were so fond of as a child. The possibilities are endless.

To Dream Or Live In The Moment

In actuality we all know this isn’t possible but the bigger question is whether you would or not take a chance at an opportunity like that. Do you dare to be a dreamer or are you perfectly content having lived your life with no regrets and no remorse. A do over with a chance to rectify a wrong or at the very least a day to have unadulterated fun like you haven’t had since you were young. The decision for me is an easy one. I would be on my blue schwinn stingray poppin wheelies and rollin down the street, the wind blowin through my hair on a hot summer day and then heading for Rocco’s corner store to pick out my favorite candy while listening to the wooden floors creak under my feet while getting closer to the glass window candy displays. Then I’d eat a quick supper and back out to play some whiffle ball and then burn the base and release after it got dark. I’m sure I would also find time for a trip to the brickyard; I can still vividly remember all the paths we would take past the ponds and the caves winding all through the woods to the creek. Even though several years have passed since I experienced these moments as a child the thoughts are in my shirt pocket close to my heart for me to pull out and enjoy as memories that stay preserved forever. Our mind allows us the capacity to remember facts, places, occurrences while our heart validates the passion and emotion we experienced and felt while doing so. And so I ask you … what would you do?

Robert J. Ottaviani (Bert) is a cusp born Aries the ram who has lived through summer of love in the late sixties and the hippie culture that bled into the seventies. He has a passion for music, gardening and all things nature … and laffy taffy. He is freakishly aware of music trivia to absurd levels. Most days you can find him playing his guitar or jotting down lyrics. He was so impacted from the moment he first heard the Beatles that he has Beatle manianized his life, been to Liverpool, England and remains convinced he is the fifth Beatle. He is married to a gentle and lovely vibe of a woman with three wonderful children. He currently lives and resides in strawberry fields forever.

Don’t Allow Anything To Change Your World

By Robert J. Ottaviani

Jai guru deva … ommmm … nothing’s gonna change my world … so penned the indisputable John Lennon in 1968 after crafting the song “Across The Universe” following The Beatles experience with transcendental meditation in 1967 and beyond.
The inspiration came from then-wife Cynthia going on and on about something and Lennon arising in the middle of the night, the words ringing loudly in his head moving him to write a cosmic like chant about it in a positive manner as opposed to his initial negative feelings that emanated from the rant. Lennon has said the words were purely inspirational and were given to him, that he didn’t own them but that they just “came through”. Let’s explore what John was experiencing at that moment.

In Touch With One’s Self

We are always in quest of it whether it’s done subconsciously or by design. It is the proverbial search for the holy grail, the never-ending highway of life with many untraveled roads to go down, many a turn to consider and unquestioned
detours to take . It is the eternal and internal journey we take a day at a time, a decision at a time, a life at a time. But, how to achieve it? Do we sometimes find ourselves there by accident? Surely! Do we arrive at our destination by intentional motive? Certainly! What I am talking about is inner peace, balance, harmony, chi, nirvana, feng shui, just feeling like ourselves. What I am also talking about is the ability to avoid all the negative elements that surround us and threaten to take our lives off course on our journey.

Beware Of The Intruder

Maintaining your balance can at times be difficult given all the extraneous activities that pull at you, challenging you by moving you off your center of inner sanctitude. We have all experienced those days when we just don’t feel like ourselves. It can be both frustrating and unnerving because we are hard pressed to explain why we feel that way. Are we victims or do we victimize ourselves? I believe we need to take the wheel and steer the ship . We control our destiny to a large extent. There will always be work, family, health, time restraints that we need to ingratiate in our lives and handle in a positive manner. The key is to mix the right ingredients to the right levels enabling our final product to be pleasing.

K Is For Karma

I am a big believer in Karma. We are basically responsible for our own happiness as well as our own misery.
Most of our resulting quality of life is because of past actions and current and present decisions, which formulate who we are today.
We create the persona of who we wish to be. If we so choose to perpetuate a negative vibe about ourselves that we can be expected to be perceived in a similar light. You’ve probably heard the expression … expect great things so great things can actually happen to you. We are truly the builders of our own fate. Do not let genetics or excuses mold your actions and subsequent reactions .

Celebrate You

There is only one human on the planet that is you. Think about the magnitude of that statement. Celebrate your oneness, your unique abilities that make you the very special person in God’s eye that he created unlike any other. Take whatever gifts you were given and utilize them so you and others will prosper. Rejoice in the blessings you have been bestowed. Once you find your place in line, your niche, your rhythm of life, you can express your inspirations and concerns knowing they will be received in an earnest manner because they will have come from a place that’s both sincere and honest to your heart. Jai guru deva … ommmmm … nothings gonna change my world.

Robert J. Ottaviani (Bert) is a cusp born Aries the ram who has lived through summer of love in the late sixties and the hippie culture that bled into the seventies. He has a passion for music, gardening and all things nature … and laffy taffy. He is freakishly aware of music trivia to absurd levels. Most days you can find him playing his guitar or jotting down lyrics. He was so impacted from the moment he first heard the Beatles that he has Beatle manianized his life, been to Liverpool, England and remains convinced he is the fifth Beatle. He is married to a gentle and lovely vibe of a woman with three wonderful children. He currently lives and resides in strawberry fields forever.

Remembering A Friend In His Second Life, While Shaping My First.

By Jim Calder

Friends, I am here to tell you that there is life after death. The verdict may still be out on the Heaven vs. Hell and reincarnation debate, but I swear that there is life after death. A recent road trip leads me to the realization of the powerful Second Life, which we all hope we may someday achieve. I am personally on the dawn of turning the page to age 33 in about one month from now. When I was a child, I had no idea what this age would be like. As an adult clinging to my youth, I still don’t fully understand. However, what I do know is that my view of life and death has drastically changed.

A Road Trip for the Soul

My wife and I recently headed on a soul-searching road trip across New England. We stopped in the beautiful town of Burlington, VT where my late friend Bryan Kapschull lived, worked, and played. Bryan left us in the summer of 2008 at age 30, but I have no doubt that his spirit and soul are with his friends and family often. Bryan was a brewer at Magic Hat, and we got a special tour of the factory, with the highlight of climbing the brewing tower to see a memorial the workers made for him. His brewing boots are bronzed next to his Magic Hat uniform. It was a touching and beautiful display.

The Second Life

The loss of Bryan has taught me that there is life after death. A Second Life is created through shared memories and experiences of others (some who have never met eachother).
Together we learn to slow down, to appreciate everything we are given, every hour of each day, to make time to shut down and appreciate. This second life is a celebration of the person’s life that had such a strong impact on us. Guilt is a common theme in the Second Life, and we all are going to feel it from time to time.
In Bryan Kapschull’s second life, I have connected, reconnected and been introduced to beautiful, talented and unique individuals.
Cathy Kapschull, Bryan’s mother is probably the strongest member of this group. Her strength and love for Bryan is a true inspiration to me.
Sarah Catherine Golden, the love of my dear friends life- is a real, artistic and open human being with a golden soul.
Jenna, Bryan’s sister, is another beautiful and kind creature who I could tell was hands down Bryan’s biggest fan from the days when she visited us in college.
As well as 67 other family members and friends who knew and still love Bryan Kapschull and have joined me in a social networking website dedicated to his life. Together, we created a social networking site honoring our friend’s memory. If you knew Bryan, email me a jim@prolongmagazine for the site address.

A Clearer View of My Core Beliefs

Thinking deeply about my old friend while visiting Burlington, left me with inner reflection on my own life. My views have grown, matured and developed into human beliefs. You may think that they sound like corny sayings found on the Internet, but I will remind you that might be because you are reading what some dude just wrote on the Internet.

LIFE

-I have come to the realization that life is rare and precious and the most beautiful thing in the universe. It needs to be respected and nourished.
-Loss of Loved Life is a lesson that we will all learn, and it will never get easier as the years pass.
-Every choice we make has severe and lasting consequences.
-Mentally checking out because the weight of the world is too much is not an option.
-Life is not a fairy tale. There is soul-crushing loss that will change us and leave us scarred to our core.
-There is betrayal by friends, loved ones and coworkers that we will struggle with understanding and never be able to comprehend.
-There is fear that will cripple you if one allows it in.
-If we don’t like the direction that we are heading we can turn the whole ship around starting right this second.
-There are too many things that can destroy us on their own to allow ourselves to become self-destructive.

LOVE

The songs are right, Love does not die.
-Love is the heartbeat to life. When you find it, hold on with both hands and never, ever let go.
-Always put your love and passions first, always.
-Love transcends spouses, family and friends. Love can be in everything you do, but it takes millions of daily choices.
-Love can rip you apart.
-Love leaves an impact on the brain that can be downloaded but never deleted.

WORK

-Employers only get so many chances to show you that they appreciate your work.
-Work is something we do to have an enjoyable life, not the other way around.
-There is work. And there is life. Knowing the difference between the two is the first step to the rest of your life.
-It is almost 2011, work is measured by your passion and your initiative not by how many hours you spend chained to a desk in your office.
-If you can’t achieve balance between work and life you will crash hard.
-Fear is not a motivational tool, it actually does the complete opposite of motivation.
-It is easy to become a workaholic, but it is more important to remember why we are working in the first place.

Everything

-Having ideas equals nothing without the ability to execute them.
-If you haven’t failed you will never do anything important in your career or life. Don’t fear failing, seek it out.
-Building is much more productive than tearing down.
-Our death is not the end, we all will live on in the hearts of loved ones if we make our mission to live a kind, loving, and productive life.
And finally as long as we have music as a form of therapy, we will all be okay.

What is one of your favorite core beliefs? Respond in the comments.

Jim Calder is the brand architect and co-founder of ProLong Magazine. Jim was born with the perfect combination of cockiness and self-consciousness. He has over 10 years of publishing industry experience and lives and works in Philadelphia, Pa. Jim strongly believes that the current 9-5 Monday-Friday format of “Work” is dying. Those that refuse to recognize this will be left behind in the decaying office complexes across America. He currently can be found on the greatest adventure of his life as a newlywed with his wife Melissa. Jim can be contacted via email at jim@prolongmagazine.com

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HOOKED ON FACEBOOK

I entered the rehab center willingly, walking slowly past the long dank corridor to the long flight of stairs leading up to the next level, slowing occasionally to look at the Lindsay Lohan and Robert Downey Jr. signed 8×10′s hanging crookedly on the wall. A freeze frame of their time spent here was still dangling on the old shredded wallpaper that needed an update. I had spent the last several days convincing myself I could quit my own personal demon anytime I wanted but the addiction was way too strong. Repeatedly, I gave in to its allure, to its comfort that it extended, to the intrigue that it always promised but never produced. I couldn’t live without it in my life and consequently revisited it every day, every hour. My appetite for it was immense and at times it seemed insatiable. It consumed me.

The Confessional Room

The strong smell of failure permeated the hallways and gave promise of a future prominent spot on the wall of shame . The confessional room I had heard so much about lay straight ahead and so with a bounce in my step I straddled the old syringes that were strewn on the floor and cast aside. The empty 40 oz. bottles crammed into crevices of the wall still reeked of stale beer.

The tall yellow tin sign read as follows “BEYOND THIS DOOR IS YOUR FUTURE … LEAVE YOUR BAGGAGE BEHIND YOU”.

I took a deep breath and reached up to ring the bell for entrance. The nine inch nails song ‘hurt” seemed like a curious choice of music but that’s what was straining out of the iPod of the attendant who greeted me at the door. “Hi. I’m Jeremy … you must be Robert”. “How did you know my name?” I asked. “You called us, remember?” Obviously, my rampant paranoia mechanism was in full operational mode. I sat down and waited for the resident expert on staff to conduct his pre-interview with me. In the moments before his arrival I gazed at the sheepskins hanging on the wall trumpeting Dr. Brew Sinsky’s achievements.

In Walks The Doctor

He bounded into the room looking like my old English professor and proclaiming I had just taken the first step toward total recovery. I looked at him warily deducing his suit coat was purchased at goodwill and his bowtie a camera. He wore a tarnished oval pin on his lapel, which said … fear is when you can’t place your trust in someone. “Welcome to Backslides Rehab Center” he bellowed to me in a voice that reminded me of part carnival barker, part hawker of medicinal elixirs guaranteed to cure whatever ails you. “Think of this as a class of your peers” Dr. Brew said as Jeremy barged into the room mumbling something about Steve, a past addict, wanting a definitive and absolute last chance to redeem himself. I smiled wryly to myself thinking of the delicious irony of the moment … Jeremy spoke in class today … I decided not to share that private moment with anyone else.

Group Therapy

I stood uneasily at the front of the confessional room about to address my peers, my classmates, and my fellow addicts. I looked out at the crowd of miscreants, which totaled nine other than myself and were sitting in a semi circle on hard wooden chairs. “Hi, my name is Robert and I have an addiction, I’m addicted to … FACEBOOK”. ” Hi Robert … welcome” came the response from the largely disinterested and dysfunctional group of misfits. Surprisingly, I heard no snickers, no guffaws after I expounded on my weakness for the website. After mingling with the crowd I discovered Paige Turner, Cher A. Post and Anita Moorefrends were fellow Facebook fiends … Al Kohol and Will Power were liquor challenged … Mary Jane, Chase N. Ahiey and Ben Zedrine were all in a state of drug induced haze. All that was left was a singular conspicuous looking dude whose name was “Flash” but had earned the nickname “Flesh” from the group because of his obvious inability to overcome his sex addiction. I had overcome my fear of public speaking by adhering to the age-old adage of imagining everyone in their underwear. I didn’t have to pretend in Flesh’s case because he actually was. Everyone seemed so encouraging, so supportive. “You are gonna be fine, trust us, it’s gonna be okay”. They all seemed so sure of themselves while I had reasonable doubt about my direction I was heading. Dr. Brew Sinsky received a call and announced to the group of ten that he had to leave shortly and would be back momentarily.

Our Relapse

The group all smiled in unison. The door had just closed behind him when our faction scattered as if a grenade landed in the middle of us all. Paige, Cher and Anita headed for the doctor’s office where the only p.c. in the building existed.
Entry was gained by sliding an expired credit card through the lock and they had the dell up and running in short order. We were on Facebook in no time at all stalking people, exchanging opinions on applications and all of us weirdly fascinated by our “friends” everyday mundane activities. Al and Will were lifting a ceiling tile where they had planted a couple of flasks with the hooch of their choice. They pushed the swill into their mouths and were soon mumbling in an almost inaudible language that only the two of them understood. Meanwhile, Mary, Chase and Ben were huddled in the corner huffing Dr. Brew’s glue that was kept for the sole purpose of adhering his interview paper results together, or so he thought. They were right … I was gonna be fine … I would be okay. After all this I’m thinking I don’t even have a problem because with over 500 million active Facebook users that would make me part of the main stream and infinitely ordinary with nine new friends on my Facebook list. I’m not sure which is worse.

Robert J. Ottaviani (Bert) is a cusp born Aries the ram who has lived through summer of love in the late sixties and the hippie culture that bled into the seventies. He has a passion for music, gardening and all things nature … and laffy taffy. He is freakishly aware of music trivia to absurd levels. Most days you can find him playing his guitar or jotting down lyrics. He was so impacted from the moment he first heard the Beatles that he has Beatle manianized his life, been to Liverpool, England and remains convinced he is the fifth Beatle. He is married to a gentle and lovely vibe of a woman with three wonderful children. He currently lives and resides in strawberry fields forever.

Learn How To Shave Like A Man … You Skirt

By David Yancy Kang

WARNING: This article for all intents and purposes concerns men and their shaving habits … women are welcome to read this and attempt the methods described, but ProLong Magazine or the author can NOT be held responsible for any injury or death that occurs from such an attempt. Furthermore, it’s a fucking razor blade. BE CAREFUL, for Christ’s sakes.

ALSO: Portions of this article contain verbatim excerpts from an email that are inserted without notation but with permission by the author.
Several months ago, I was at the mass-market emporium o’ shit (let’s call it the Targ-Mart), and found myself purchasing the standard toiletry items. These are the basic consumables that we all use in our daily lives to be considered fit for modern civilization – your deodorant, toothpaste, shampoo, soap, blah, blah, blah … and razor blades.

The ‘gold standard’ in razor manufacturing/marketing is the Gillette Mach 3 or some variation from any number of manufacturers, (actually only two come to mind) with anywhere from two to evidently several thousand blades. I single out the Mach 3 only because it was the type of razor that I personally use. The Mach 3 has become so ubiquitous that even the ‘high-end’ shaving firms like ‘Art of Shaving’ and all their variants sell handles that specifically fit blades for Gillette’s Mach 3.
Now, I will not tell you the price that I paid for a package of these because I can’t remember; but I will say that I was floored by the fact that the total for all of the other items was almost equal to the package of blades.

I’m not one to really get crazy about the price of anything … in fact, I’m completely used to getting hosed by the prices that I pay for almost any given item. I’m a constant victim of discovering a place that has the item in question equally readily available for far, far less, typically after I’ve opened and used to product to a degree that makes it impossible to return. To this, I typically respond with a shrug.
So, it is very unlike me to even mention it to anyone else, but I happened to be talking to a former co-worker of mine recently. The conversation entailed my outrage at the price of cartridge razor blades, and also my fondness for a scene of Mad Men where Don Draper is shaving with a crazy-looking contraption. Geoff (my former co-worker) had quite a bit to say on the topic.

Wet Shaving

Geoff, is a self-proclaimed wet shaving evangelist, and not only has converted me; but also has inspired me to spread the wet shaving gospel and thus has made a wet shaving evangelist out of me.
What is wet shaving? In the absolute most rudimentary form, wet shaving is shaving using only water, a blade, and some kind of lubricant.

How is this any different than what I was doing before with a Mach 3? Well … truth be told, there is no real difference other than the fact that these days, going out of your way to consider it ‘wet shaving’ points to the fact that you’re using a straight razor or a safety razor instead of a cartridge razor. Now I may be wrong about this, but all I know is what I know from experience and secondhand knowledge and what I learn from bad ass shows like Mad Men.

The Basics

Let’s cover the basics. First of all, you’re going to need a razor. If you’ve gone and purchased a Gillette or Schick razor, go ahead and stop reading this article and find something better to do. Otherwise, there are two other options to consider. First is the straight razor. We’re talking Mr. Blonde of Reservoir Dogs’ ear-removal razor in a cowboy boot. This is insane unless you’re some kind of surgeon. The sane option is a safety razor. Don’t be fooled by the name – it’s still a goddamned razor blade; it’s going to cut you. It’s a ‘safety razor’ in the sense that it is ‘safer than a straight razor’; in the same manner that pale ale is pale as compared to stout. But, I digress.

The Parker 96R Butterfly Safety Razor

If you know me, my hands shake like I’m being electrocuted when I attempt to hold them still, so it is a safety razor I opted for, and that is what this article is about, because it is what I have experience with. I typically do not write about things of which, I know nothing. So – first off: a handle for your razor. I use a Parker 96R Butterfly Safety Razor. You don’t have to get that one, but it seemed to be the best mix of quality and price. What you definitely want: double-edged safety razor, probably butterfly style, NOT ADJUSTABLE. I’d go with something from either Parker or Merkur. Merkurs are slightly better regarded than Parker, but Parker seems to be the best bang for the buck. This ran be about thirty bucks on amazon.com and it came with twenty – TWENTY blades.

Other Equipment

Next, you will need a brush and brush stand. These are not optional. I happened to already have a brush stand and brush as part of a shaving set that was given to me as a gift from my wife (what a shithead, not using the complete set from his wife, shame on him! I know. Shut up). It has to be badger hair, and you need a stand for the brush. It has to hang upside down so it dries out properly. Lots of stands also hold the razor, which is convenient but not strictly necessary. Why a badger hair brush? Truth is, I don’t know, but it has something to do with the magical properties of badger hair. Either that or a giant serpent smashes through your floor and consumes you if you use a non-badger brush. Look, if the use of badger hair were negligible, would one of the premier wet shaving sites on all of the Internet be called ‘Badger & Blade’? If this is a problem for you, know that the hair is harvested from badgers that are a food source in some countries and would otherwise be discarded. So deal with that or continue to float around on your cloud of judgment.

Lube, Not The Sex Kind

You’ll need soap, one of the key elements (lubricant) of wet shaving. I use 2.5 ounce Van Hagen glycerin soap. It’s as good as any fancy soap and it’s super cheap. It was about 10 dollars for a case of 12 pucks, which should presumably last about two years.

Holders For Soap

Bowl/mug: I don’t use one, but they make bowls and mugs for this purpose. They’re just holders for the soap, so any of them will work if you want one, but honestly, you don’t have to bother.

Blades

You’re perhaps wondering about the blades themselves … I’ve only used the Shark blades that came with the razor that I purchased. They work very well and are very inexpensive. We’re talking CHEAP. Real quick search on Amazon shows $16.99 for a pack of 100. ONE HUNDRED blades. Typical usage of a single blade is generally considered to be eight to nine shaves … unless you’re a hairy bastard in which case that might be cut in half. Bear in mind that these are double-edged blades though. The amount that I actually shave, I could probably use the same blade for a couple months. At any rate, one hundred of these fuckers for less than twenty bucks kicks the living crap out of a pack of Mach 3s for eight skillion clams.

Slap Happy

Aftershave is up to you. There’s an amazing Vitamin E balm that Art of Shaving makes that I like but is almost prohibitively expensive and I only have it because I received it as a gift. Most often, I use Nivea Sensitive Post-Shave Balm. Be wary of alcohol-based aftershaves. Here’s a good idea: scrape a layer of skin off my face and then drench it in caustic chemicals, sounds like a great time! Instead, you want a nice soothing balm that stops the irritation, and this stuff works great. Also, it’s available at drugstores, which is nice when you run out. Be advised that aftershave balm is not optional under any circumstances. If you don’t use it, your face will burn and huge swaths of it will be bright and red for hours after. Really attractive.

Check Out The Magic Of The Interwebs

How do you go about doing it? I would strongly advise that you go to badgerandblade.com and check out their technique. Basically, it works like this. Lather your face, then drop a hot (but not uncomfortable) towel over it. The longer you leave it on the better, and some people say five minutes or something, but I probably only do it for like forty-five seconds to one minute. Then rinse with hot water, re-later, and start. Oh, that first pass of the blade to your skin … as you feel the keenness of the blade cut down every single hair. Pure bliss. Make sure you rinse with hot water and re-lather again in between each pass, and rinse with cold at the end. You want to leave your face just a little bit damp when you apply the aftershave. Also, your face is going to look slick or greasy after you put the balm on, and you might think you’ve used too much, but that’s the right amount and your face will absorb it in ten minutes, so don’t wipe it off.

The whole process will take you some time at first – it’s important to remember what you are dealing with and be careful. Basically, you are looking to attack the face with the razor while creating as many flat surfaces as possible. Over time, you will easily be able to knock out even the most overgrown of beards in fifteen to twenty minutes.

Grow Faster Hair, Damn You

This might sound odd, but I actually look forward to shaving and wish my facial hair would grow faster just so I can experience the pleasure of the safety razor shave. Not only is it incredibly cost-effective past the initial investment, which really isn’t that much … it’s an absolute pleasure to do, and you’re preserving part of an old-fashioned ritual that deserves the time that it takes. Do you really want multiple blades ripping the hair out from your face and cutting it below the skin line, only to irritate and create painful ingrown hairs and red splotches. Do you really want to pay exorbitant amounts of money to this end? Stick with the stylish, economical, and awesome art of the safety razor wet shave and you’ll thank yourself. Who knows, maybe you’ll be the next wet shaving evangelist and put it in better words than I.

David Yancy Kang is 29 and not in the best shape of his life. This could be attributed to a lack of Bowflex, perhaps not. He works in IT; which likely has more to do with the previous statement than anything else. In his free time, he enjoys brewing beer, drinking said beer, and will occasionally actually finish a book but is predominantly a video game junkie. Other hobbies include running up small nation’s defense budgets in bar tabs, neat Macallan, cigars he can’t afford, having a laugh, cooking, and preparing for the zombie apocalypse. He currently resides in the Philadelphia area with his wife who is amazingly supportive of all his dumb ideas; as well as his two cats Roxy and Hiroshi and zero children.