A Look At An Old New Chapter of Love

Elle Mathews

I was fresh out of high school and ready for a new chapter in my life. Most of my friends went away to college but I chose community college for the first two years. I wanted to save money plus I didn’t have a clue where I wanted to go yet. There were many things I didn’t expect when I started this new chapter in my life. I didn’t expect the classes, especially community college, to be harder than high school or that I wouldn’t easily make friends. I didn’t expect that I would change majors and I certainly didn’t expect to be in a two year relationship. During high school, I didn’t study half as much as I did, I had a good amount of friends and my relationships were two boyfriends in 10th and 11th grades that both lasted about three months.

My new life chapter ended up being a lonely and confusing time but my newest HE was there to pick up the pieces. In the beginning the relationship was new and exciting. He took me out to dinner practically every other night. He would buy things for me that I didn’t ask for and we went to places that I never had been. He showed me how wonderful someone could be treated. But then after awhile, something happened. I began to see we were on two different paths in our lives. Even though he was only three years older then me, (he was 21 and I was 18) he was a couple of stages ahead of me in his life and it started to show. He was finished with college, had a decent job and made decent money. Plus he made extra money working some weekends at a local store. I had just started college, had a part time job and struggled to even pay my tuition. He established himself by the age of 21 and I had no idea what my future held. We tried to find things in common. He thought my friends were immature. I thought his friends were boring. When I went to parties with my friends, I would get lectured about underage drinking. Then I started relying on him for too much. He melted away my problems, fixed anything that was broken and bought me anything that I wanted but couldn’t afford. He even got me a part time job where he worked on the weekends. I convinced myself that I needed him to do almost everything for me to the point where I felt vulnerable without him.

I look back at this now and I don’t believe his intentions were to belittle or control me but to secure his place in the relationship. He was trying to prove to me that I needed him and he succeeded. He wanted so much for my affection that I feel he took it too far. After he broke up with me, my confidence and independence were shattered and it took me awhile to get them back. I learned to never rely that much on a person again. Because life is full of trials and tribulations, I must experience them to live. I just don’t have to do it alone.

The ironic part of it all was that in the end he cheated on me with a “friend” that we both worked with at the store. They were engaged within a couple of months. Working there was a daily reminder of what he did to me until I went away to college six months later. I was humiliated in front of all my coworkers and I went through one of the hardest experiences of my life. The one person who would give me the world for my affection became the one person that hurt me the most.

Elle Mathews is currently trying to break into a field that fits her interests and inventive mind. She has a passion for the performing arts, writing, video editing/TV production and creativity. She can’t get enough of beautiful scenery and wants to see the world. Elle is experienced at dating and online dating and has much to share with our readers. Elle is always up for learning and trying new experiences.

By Elle Mathews

I guess it all started when I was in junior high school.  His name was Chuckie. After fifteen years I still remember like it was yesterday. I still remember how my heart was beating twenty miles an hour.  I was hoping he couldn’t hear it pounding through my chest. We were outside my house under the last streetlight on the block. I came up to his neck so I stood on the curb while he remained on the street. He didn’t move. He didn’t make a sound. Our faces were only inches from each other. His breath smelled like musty spearmint. I closed my eyes. The urge to jump out of my skin was so powerful that what happened next was a blur.  It happened faster then it started. When we finally stepped apart from each other, I tasted his breath on my lips. The only word I could say when it was over was bye. He stared at the ground then hopped on his bike. He didn’t say a word. Then suddenly I woke up from what felt like a dream. Why wasn’t he saying anything? Did I not do it right? I tried to go over it in my mind. But it was still a blur.  Did he have a manual on this subject that I didn’t know about?  Did I not follow it?  As these questions were screaming in my head, he looked up directly into my eyes  He smiled. Not just a smile, but one that melted away the now ridiculous analytical thoughts in my head. I fell back into my dream. At that moment the earth could have opened up and tried to swallow me whole, but it would be too late. I was on a cloud floating too far away from the ground.  It was my first kiss and after fifteen years, I remember it like it was yesterday.

That was the beginning.  It was the beginning of a journey towards a first love, heartaches, and the eventual introduction of online dating. Since there isn’t a course like Love 101, I learn only from my experiences. Even if I continue to find Mr. Wrong, I’m still finding that I’m learning more about myself and what I want in a relationship and in a companion. I find that after heartache, I come out stronger and apply that strength towards everyday life. With every new relationship, touches, feelings and words are more passionate then the next. I don’t take love for granted. I cherish every single one of my relationships with friends and family. In the end it’s all about the journey, not the destination.

Elle Mathews is currently trying to break into a field that fits her interests and inventive mind.  She has a passion for the performing arts, writing, video editing/TV production and creativity.  She can’t get enough of beautiful scenery and wants to see the world. Elle is experienced at dating and online dating and has much to share with our readers. Elle is always up for learning and trying new experiences.