The Handshake

What Does A Handshake Mean To You?

by David Yancy Kang

Contrary to the words of Greg Graffin of Bad Religion, a handshake is more than a silent ‘fuck you’.

What does a handshake mean to you? It makes me think about the gesture itself. I’ve been told that it’s existed since ancient times as some kind of proof that you aren’t there to harm the person with whom you exchange this motion. The reasoning behind this? I don’t know. I’ve heard all kinds of variations and explanations, probably the most unusual being that people actually originally grasped one another’s forearms because that’s where hidden blades were kept. I don’t know what kind of weird ninja society that explanation comes from – I’m no anthropologist, but the general idea is the same. It’s a sign of peace. We do it every day – meeting someone for the first time, with business deals, greeting a friend, greeting a weird relative that you’re not that comfortable with hugging, with complete strangers in Church if you do that sort of thing …so it’s a generally accepted everyday gesture of friendliness. I would take that a step further and say that a handshake is a representation of who you are.

In the instance of meeting someone for the first time, for example, you are giving your first impression. Think of it this way: this is the first physical contact that you are going to have with another human being, and like it or not, it speaks volumes about your character.

The Clammy Grip

When I shake someone’s hand and get a really weak grip, cold, slightly clammy grip … my brain says to me ‘This is not a friendly person.’ In some cases, ‘This person will throw me under the bus if it saves their skin and this is not someone that I want to deal with for any reason.’ Basically, what it says to me is ‘This person cannot be trusted.’

Now some of you might be saying ‘Hey, wait a minute … I just had a really long session of Call of Duty and my hand’s cramped up so I can’t grip someone’s hand’ or ‘My hands get sweaty, I can’t help it.’ Fine, that’s just something you’re going to have to deal with. First, let’s describe a proper handshake.

A Proper Handshake

The elements of a good handshake to me are, first and foremost a deliberate, not too fast, not too slow outreach of your hand towards the other individual. Don’t sidearm in, and don’t do it in such a manner that your hand is going to make a popping sound when contacting the other. This is not some kind of bizarro high-five. This is also not something like you just spat into your palm and are saying ‘Put ‘er there, partner’ like some kind of bad Western movie.

Strength and Timing

Do not attempt to show off how well the little plastic springy thing with the molded pistol grips is working by crushing the other person’s hand. This is not a macho-ness contest. A single pump will suffice, you don’t have to stand there shaking like Cheeky Chappy from ‘Banzai’. (Remember the show? Cheeky Chappy’s objective would be to shake hands with a celebrity in a mock interview and see how long he could maintain a handshake.)

Eye Contact and Smile

Perhaps most the most important factor in the whole exercise is eye contact. During all the motions of the handshake described, this is a forgotten piece that really can drive your impression home. Now you don’t want to stare them down unblinkingly a la Ford Prefect; but you want to look directly into their eyes. Doing so exudes a feeling of ‘I have nothing to hide. I am competent, confident, and most importantly, professional.’ Also, smile. Express genuine pleasure during the handshake. Not only is it good to think ‘It’s a pleasure to meet you; it’s good to maybe even say it. Maybe even include their name at the end. ‘It’s a pleasure to meet you, Clarence.’ (Or perhaps Michael Diamond?)

The Disengage

Then, perhaps the most difficult part: disengaging. As stated before, you want to complete the single pump, but you do not want to give the other party the impression that their hand is covered in acid, or on fire, or otherwise compromised in some way. Very important – if the other person’s hand is sweaty, do not wipe your own hand off on your trousers. Immediately going into your pocket for hand sanitizer is also not the best idea.

An awkward clinging to their hand is to be avoided. Definitely do not allow your fingers to tickle the other person’s palm either. Think of the Newton’s Third Law – your original grip should have an equal and opposite motion. An equally firm release signals ‘Hey, I’m letting go now so let’s not make this too awkward.’ Draw your hand away and let it go back to wherever it usually goes, but not in your pocket! Hands in the pockets is a topic that I will tackle at another time.

That’s basically it for the handshake. Almost anyone in sales has mastered this technique, or they’re probably not in sales anymore. It’s something seemingly so basic, yet can be so easily botched. It’s okay to practice with someone you’re comfortable with; preferably someone that’s going to be honest with you and tell you if you’re being creepy or weird, overly enthusiastic, too limp, your hand feels like a dead fish, or whatever other problems you may have going.

Remember that the handshake is a reflection of you. What feeling do you want to leave to people you are meeting or seeing for the first time? A good handshake will leave the other party thinking ‘Wow, what a dynamic, real person. This is someone that I respect and would love to do business with.’ Or ‘I have a positive feeling about this person.’ Okay, no one says things like that, but hopefully you get the idea.

David Yancy Kang is 29 and not in the best shape of his life. This could be attributed to a lack of Bowflex, perhaps not. He works in IT; which likely has more to do with the previous statement than anything else. In his free time, he enjoys brewing beer, drinking said beer, and will occasionally actually finish a book but is predominantly a video game junkie. Other hobbies include running up small nation’s defense budgets in bar tabs, neat Macallan, cigars he can’t afford, having a laugh, cooking, and preparing for the zombie apocalypse. He currently resides in the Philadelphia area with his wife who is amazingly supportive of all his dumb ideas; as well as his two cats Roxy and Hiroshi and zero children.