My Three Monsters
Chris Mc Loone shares all his knowledge and advice in his blog titled My Three Monsters
A Funny Pee Story
by Chris Mc Loone
It’s official. This day, I got the call. Jim and Matt have asked me to blog. I’ve got the Prolong Magazine writers guidelines in hand, and I’m ready.
And then I started.
And stopped.
And started.
Starting Points
And finally said the hell with it. Tonight is not my night. I will have to wait for my inspiration, which you’ll find, hopefully often, is my kids.
Jim and I have been talking for weeks about his new venture, and I’m lucky enough to be one of his chosen candidates to contribute to Prolong Magazine. I wasn’t sure at first, not sure about what I’d write about, since he said, “Think of some things to write about.” But when he mentioned that I should write about what brings me joy, it was easy—the three monsters.
Family
I call them monsters to their faces. They don’t care. They laugh and call me crazy. My joy isn’t in being a parent, it’s about being associated with three of the most wonderful creatures ever. But even though I could talk about them forever, I had nothing recent, nothing new to write about. What you’ll find here are anecdotes no different than I”m sure any other parent has. Earlier tonight, I tried to write my inaugural blog. You want to get something like this off with a bang, right? But I had a PBR, and I’m a lightweight, and well, I was about to turn in for the night at about 9:30 … on a Friday. That’s a problem in and of itself, but that’s another topic entirely.
I had nothing to write about … i was trying … thinking about events of the day. “Hey, Little Man. You got your haircut. Who cut it? “ “Grumpy Guy.” Funny, but that’s kind of where that story ended. “Mom, Dad come out and look. Me and Sean found a dead bird. We know it’s dead because there are flies.” Again, amusing, but not quite there.
I was going to post some old MySpace blogs. (I still will, by the way, but not just yet.) But then the situation presented itself.
Bedtime Stories
My oldest turns 6 next week. We’re coming up on the beginning of the school year—first grade. In the past few weeks, he’s had maybe, three accidents at night. This after an entire summer of dry days and nights. So I figure, well, school’s coming … he’s not going to be himself for a few weeks. So before he goes to bed, after reading him a chapter out of his skateboarding tricks book (more on that I’m sure later), I had him go to the bathroom, twice. But, he had nothing. So I said thanks for trying. He complained about me making him go. I said, “It’s because I don’t want to be awakened at 4:30 by you telling me you had an accident.” Some might consider it harsh, but I’m just telling it like it is. And Owen took it to heart.
Is That The Sound Of Peeing
So much so, that at about 9:30, I heard a noise. Sounded like a door closing. My wife and I both figured one of the boys got up to go to the bathroom. It was a door we heard. It was a door underneath the vanity. When I arrived upstairs, I could hear Owen going to the bathroom, but I heard no water. None. And what I found was our just about six year old, underpants around his ankles, aiming spectacularly for the inside of the vanity.
Half Asleep
I said, “Owen, that’s not the toilet.” And he said, “Yeah?” I replied, “What do you mean, yeah,” smiling all the way. He pulled his pants up, I asked if he got any on them, he said no, and he walked by me and back into his room. Inside his room, I did all I could do. I said, “Owen, thank you for doing this now instead of at 4:30.” He did not reply, just got into bed and pulled up his covers. He was, after all, pretty much asleep through all of this. I leaned over and said, “I love you Owen Thomas.” He replied to that and said, “I love you too.” Now, you and I know that he had no idea who he was talking to, but hearing that is what makes it all just wonderful. And definitely made cleaning out the inside of the vanity and most of the bathroom floor in front much easier.
Little Kids = Little Anecdotes
I enjoy my kids. They are great individuals and together they make quite a little clan. My goal is to share these little anecdotes as they happen. They won’t always be amusing. Some of them will have to do with my insecurities as a dad. Some of them will have to do with my other passion in life—the volunteer fire company to which I belong and for which I act as first lieutenant. I cannot forget my first love—my wife. There are not many in this world today who can say they married the first woman they ever dated. You hear about high school sweethearts, but you don’t hear of many who don’t date until they’re 21 and end up marrying the woman. Not that I think I’m special for it, I’m just saying I can’t forget her in all this.
Just A Taste
So there’s a taste. I’ll get around to posting a couple of my MySpace blogs. I’m going to send this to Jim now. And the pessimist in me, which will reveal itself I’m sure many times as I start to do this regularly, is already figuring he’s going to write back and say, “Eh … that’s not quite what I was looking for, but thanks for the funny pee story.” But if not, maybe this will take off, and if it doesn’t, I’ll at least enjoy writing it all out so I can share it with my three little monsters some day.
As Fr. Trzecieski (pronounced cher-chesky) used to say after every homily back in my seminary days (What? Seminary? Yeah, I’ll talk about that too probably.) “Thanks for listening.”
